After being married for a whopping three months (cheer!), I have quite honestly learned a ton. I’m sharing these things because I believe the newlywed stage in a marriage is overlooked and written off as a time of intimate passion and puppy love, without any true and deep accomplishments. Tim and I have completed milestones in our first months of marriage! Here are a list of things I learned, advice, and things I would suggest other newlyweds do; they are in no order whatsoever.
1. Don’t Fight in Front of People. Never thought I’d be offering this one up as advice, but hear me out. Argument is between you and your spouse; not you and your spouse and his brother (who’s going to side with him anyway and think you’re a crazy bee). Not only will waiting to talk things out give you both a chance to collect your thoughts and cool down, but it will force you to enjoy the rest of your outing together. Often times when we get to a point where we can discuss the problem, we realize it was dumb and unworthy of argument in the first place.
2. Talk About Sex. Intimacy doesn’t just happen. It’s not like the movies, where you both come crashing through the door every evening and onto the bed for another night of passion. Not that I’m against impromptu marital sex- I’m just trying to be realistic. The truth is, there are going to be a lot of times where you’re not in the same mood sexually. Who’s going to submit? The easiest way for the devil to get into your relationship is by using your sexual natures against each other. Talking about each others motives for the evening can stop an argument before it starts.
3. Do Things out of Submission. Don’t want to take the garbage out because you did it the last four times? Do it anyway. Don’t want to make him dinner because you’re still getting over last night’s argument? Do it anyway. The bottom line is that you are not serving your husband- you are serving Christ. Your marriage is far less about you and your spouse and far more about you and God. Do things unto Him.
4. Figure Out Your Love Languages. Yeah, yeah, you’ve heard it before. This is everyone’s favorite advice to give out to newlyweds- but for good reason. I have found that often the reason I am annoyed/upset with Tim is because he has not been honoring my love language of words of affirmation. Both of you need to make a conscious effort to honor each others’ needs. Accept that your spouse may have a need that you don’t have. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Read about them here
5. Create Notebooks. Tim and I have two notebooks together- one for writing love notes and one for prophetic words given to us by others. We just started these, so I don’t have much detail but I am already so excited to add to them and look back on our lives in the future. The love notes one is great because when we don’t see each other as much as we’d like, we can still connect in a tangible way. We wanted to do a notebook for prophetic words because they are powerful. I don’t want to trust in my awful memory to recall words of wisdom spoken over our marriage five years down the road- I want it in front of me where I can see it.
6. Complement, Not Complete. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your spouse is not made to be your ‘other half’. God is. While it may seem like you can’t live without them, you can. This may seem harsh but I honestly believe couples need to hear it. You cannot expect your spouse to give you everything you need, because they never will. God still needs to be your life-source, your comforter, your daddy. The moment you place your spouse in a higher position that Christ is the moment you will find endless faults in them because they will never give you the wisdom and love that God will. Your spouse is there to compliment you and aid you on your journey with the Creator of the Universe!
Feel free to leave feedback, I’d love to hear from you guys!
Like my photographer? I think she’s pretty great too.